” Lord, if another member of the church sins against me, how often should I forgive? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “Not seven times, but, I tell you, seventy times seven.” Matthew 18:21-22
Forgiveness, both the need for forgiveness and the need to forgive another, is one of the universal spiritual struggles of life. It has been the most common question I have been asked over the years of my ordained ministry.
“How can I forgive this person?” “How do I forgive myself” “I can’t forgive because what was done was so wrong.” “How can I forgive someone who doesn’t want to be forgiven, who doesn’t care/”
All very difficult questions.
One of the greatest challenges to forgiveness is that we often look for it to bring closure or healing to our injuries. Forgive, forget, move on. As my friend, bishop Jake Owensby has described it, we look at forgiveness like a toggle switch–flip it and you’re done.
It has been my experience that forgiveness doesn’t work that way. It is a process not a moment. It takes more time and spiritual effort than we can imagine. It can be very hard work when scars remain that remind us of wounds to body or soul.
Forgiveness can be even more difficult when the person we need to forgive is ourselves.
Forgiveness is not about letting someone off the hook, making excuses for others, or accepting that somehow you deserved what was done or you that you are wrong to feel wounded. Without honesty, accountability, and some manner of restorative justice–the hard work of reconciliation, forgiveness is incomplete. But it is the start: a start that prevents us from drinking the poison of our own bitterness and resentment that serves only to erode our own spirit.
Forgiveness is a growth process. It can take a lifetime–seventy times seven. God knows we struggle to forgive as we have been forgiven. For this reason, Jesus died for us on the cross.
